Today was one of the hardest days I've had in a while. It was a good day. A very good day, but just one of those where you feel stupid and incompetent and like you are taking up too much space. I don't know if you have ever had a day like that?
This is going to sound so arrogant but the thing with me is this...I'm usually pretty good at stuff. I'm by no means good at everything, but I know the areas I could do well in and usually when I try something in one of those areas I do pretty well. So today...I felt stupid.
You see I've recently been given a new position at work. It a really amazing position and I have a ton of new responsibilities and I know that I will probably be good at them (else I would never have applied) but today was just manic.
It was my first full day running the studio and I felt like I was failing at every turn. I realise that it is literally only the very first day and that it will take a while for me to settle in and find my feet, and once I do I really do think that I'll be fine. Its just so deflating (I was going to say depressing but deflating is just so much closer to the feeling) when it seems to all be looming over you.
My Dad told this story at my wedding, it's pretty embarrassing but it sums me up quite well... When I was in Std. 6, in my new Highschool, we had our athletics day and I was taking part in Javelin. My Mom and Dad watched from the side as I did my thing and threw the metal pole around.
I had done pretty well in Javelin at my Primary school, but let's be honest, that was just some tiny little farm school and this was HIGHschool. I came back to the grandstands after the event crying my eyes out. My Dad asked what was wrong, did I not do so well?
Through the tears I said, "No, I won...but I didn't try my best".
Yup, that's the thing. I hate not being MY best at things that I know I can be. But I suppose it's one of those things of life. You have to learn and grow and improve. I would never have taken on this job if I didn't think it would be massively challenging. There is a quote I love (besides the tea one), I'm not sure who said it but it sums up the entire Javelin story so nicely...
Anyway, I'll take my cue from the javelin and tea...and be strong in hot water. Because let's be honest...there is nothing better than a strong cup of tea.